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Jack Higgins Haven Incident 1984
The Incident After years of being bullied over Snapchat by Ben Croft and Danny Layton, Jake the Rake finally snapped and decided to exact his bloody revenge on them and their friends. Jack Higgins had decided to alleviate tension between his childhood friends and bring them together at his summer camp in order for them to bond. This unlikely cast included: * Jay Carroll * Alexander * Ben Croft * Danny Layton * Dantè McCloud * Jakeyboy1984 * Joe McGrath - He asked me to remove him because he was scared his nan would see. * Solidus Hassan * Simple David * Kabir * Dylan Grant * Sinead - Thought i'd include her for the bants. * Senator Armstrong * Paul Feig * Jack Schofield * Big Man Tyrone * Fred from ITV Weather * Patrice Wilson * Dr. Rob * DJ Smile - In the place, in your face, ecstasy place to be. * Liam Laddo It would be the greatest celebration yet The food would be plenty, there would be pre drinks, it was a sesh to rival Huddersfield's clubs. When something terrible happened. The Night Ahead 8:31 PM - Without Linford to see to her every need, Sinead died of total organ failure instantly. She screamed 'RDM!' but the Admin who flew over called her a fat cunt and then flew away to abuse some Class D's in D-Block. Distracted by this pretty shit turn of events, Simple David, who had just been trying to molest a local 14 year old girl, was suddenly and brutally axed to the back of the head by Jake the Rake, now beginning his terrible autistic rampage on the mostly deserving pieces of shit innocent campers. 8:54 PM - 'Solidus Hassan quickly begins converting a nearby cabin into a local corner shop with the help of investor Paul Feig, who wants to diversify the cornershop market. Using the money he made from his shit movies, the store is filled with a range of exotic wares such as Rubicon Mango. '''9:00 PM '- Trapped in a longhouse with Jake the Rake smashing down the door, DJ Smile has no option but to challenge him to a rap off. His rhymes are fierce, his syllables rounded, with top one liners such as: I'm the man in the place with the face and the pace with an ace, bit of e in the place, safe to be, ecstasy, safe to be with... the bass in your face.. with the bitches in the place, safe to be, ecstasy as you see, THAT IS FUCKING ME! I couldn't--... I couldn't think of any fucking more man. '9:01 PM '- Enraged by Smiles' top rapping skills, Jake the Rake autistically throws smile through a window and impales him on a fence post, killing him instantly. '9:10 PM - '''Jakeyboy1984 is trying to catch Pidgeys in Pokemon Go when suddenly out of nowhere Danny drives into him at alarming speed and breaks almost every bone in his body. As he lays on the roadside, Danny fears Jakeyboy1984 may mug him, so Danny beat's what's left of him to death with an umbrella like he did in Chorlton Park in the Summer of 2016. '''9:15 PM '- Because he's a dumb cunt Ben hasn't even noticed that Jake the Rake is killing everyone because of him and Danny. He is too busy watching DarksidersPhil play Hearts of Iron IV on YouTube, he is currently 9 hours in and has just progressed beyond the main menu. Suddenly, the Can't Pay We'll Take it Away ''Bailiffs appear from Channel 5 because Ben's Mum has refused to pay the Mortgage again. Ben is viciously beat by the men and then thrown into the back of a small boat to be taken away for organ harvesting. '''9:32 PM '- After burying Jakeyboy1984, Danny becomes distracted with his Diabeetus pump giving him the error message: Database Login Failure! Verify Pump Connection! ''Furthermore, he becomes distracted when his google glasses fill up with messages from XOXAJLEEXOX saying things such as: ''Good luck you wont find the insulin because I hid it somewere i took the Canada Grill too Angered by this because Danny was addicted to both Insulin and Canada Grill, he entered a blind fit of autistic rage before being attacked by Fred from ITV Weather and being dragged to his Weather Cabin where he said Danny could 'expect a few inches'. '9:42 PM - '''Having escaped the second danger became apparent, Alex had abandoned his friends an hour ago and was now sitting in a local bar far away from any kind of danger. Because honestly abandoning everyone and just beelining it is by far the best way to survive in these situations. Trust me, i've played the Last Man on Earth Mutation on L4D2. '''9:45 PM '- Dylan is sad. '9:50 PM '- Kabir has been running around the camp with his arms in the end like Naruto listening to Silhouette (シルエット, Shiruetto), performed by KANA-BOON because he believes that if he's not strong enough to save his friends from Jake the Rake then he's not strong enough to become Hokage. '9:54 PM '- Thinking the whole situation is pretty 'Gay', Dante stumbles into a large cabin which seems to be bigger than the rest at the camp. Jack Higgins bursts through the door and locks it behind him, covered in blood. How the fuck he ended up like that I don't know. I'm not following every character okay? He urges Dante to use the emergency phone to call the police. Dante thinks this is 'Gay' so instead cuts the phonelines, before leaving to find his idol DJ Smile elsewhere in the camp. '''9:56 PM - Distracted by Sarah's huge personality on his phones wallpaper, Jay is caught off-guard and is struck over the head by a BBC Camera man, who kidnaps him to be an extra on the new series of Roots. '' '''10:11 PM '- Jack Schofield is smart, cunning, and attractive. So he easily evades Jake the Rake on multiple roads and in multiple cabins. He repairs a boat with a propeller, battery, and gasoline, and drives along the shoreline to meet Alex. He gets a free pass because fuck you guys. '10:42 PM '- Danny awakens hung upside down in Fred's Rape Shack. He explains to Danny how he was angry that Danny left him in Greece, and then used the Fake News Media to paint him as a paedophile to forbid his love. SAD! Sat in the corner of the room is Patrice Wilson, who you might remember from the Venga Bus story? I don't really know either. Just thought i'd put him in there. As they unzip their pants to exact their jizzy revenge on Danny, a truck bursts through the wall crushing both of them in a gory fashion. In the truck is Big Man Tyrone, Liam Laddo, and Dr. Rob. Once in the truck and driving away, Dr. Rob explains to Danny that his politics homework was in for 2 years ago and that he should fucking kill himself. '10:45 PM '- After arguing about politics in the truck for a few minutes, Liam Laddo who has recently been on the sesh in Huddersfield, falls asleep drunk at the wheel, and careers into Hassan and Feigs newly built cornershop. A rogue pipe impales the drivers side of the car, killing Dr. Rob and Liam instantly. Bailing out the car with Big Man Tyrone, Feig comes running outside and screams: GIVE IT BACK! WE BUILT IT DAMMIT! YOU PLAYED US LIKE A DAMN FIDDLE! Danny, noticing Jake the Rake autistically walking towards the group, now in a drunk stupor and therefore shouting 'FUCKING N██████!' as is common with the Rotherham populace, Danny and Big Man Tyrone begin running to the local beach. '10:54 PM '- Whilst driving the boat along the shoreline, Schofield see's the Channel 5 Camera Crew and Bailiffs holding Ben down in their boat chanting 'Vote for Corbyn!'. Unaware of any sort of intelligent response Ben just screams varying degrees of a terrified 'ME ME BIG BOY!'. He doesn't rescue Ben because Ben is a cunt. '11:12 PM - '''Running along the shoreline with Big Man Tyrone, Jake the Rake is still hot on their heels and yelling profanities. Big Man Tyrone yells 'Fuck this.' and uses his black crystal to teleport the fuck out of there. Out of diabetic breath, Danny collapses onto the sand and sends one last snapchat to REDACTED before accepting his fate. Suddenly Paul Feig jumps in the way of Jake's axe and takes the killing blow for Danny in an unexpected turn of loyalty. He lies there, dying in the sand. He says: ''Why are we still here...? Just to suffer...? Every night, I can feel my Bridesmaids (2011)... and my Ghostbusters (2016)... and even my Spy (2015)... The profits i've lost... The franchises i've ruined... Won't. Stop. Hurting. '' Before taking his last breath and passing away. '''11:13 PM '- Hassan gets a lift off his dad. '11:19 PM '- Dante finds DJ Smiles' lifeless corpse impaled on a fence post and stands back in horror. When suddenly, Kabir, now running at ludicrous anime speeds, knocks Dante over and impales him on the same fence post, killing him instantly. '11:21 PM '- After a long but pointless struggle, Danny is injured and about to be finished off by Jake the Rake when suddenly he hears the building sound of a chorus... Standing here... I realize, that you're just like me trying to make History... Senator Steven Armstrong appears and chokeslams Jake the Rake into the sand. Jake the Rake manages to muster 'Armstrong!?' to which he replies 'Well if it isn't autistic Jake... Just a little too late.' '11:25 PM '- After battling for a few minutes, Jake the Rake screams 'Why won't you die!?' to which Armstrong replies 'Nanomachines son, they harden in response to physical trauma. You can't hurt me Jake.' Jake attempts to punch Armstrong but Armstrong says 'What did I just say?' before right hooking him so hard he fly's over into a tree. Armstrong says 'Time to end this.' before beating Jake horrifically within an inch of his life. '11:27 PM '- Dylan Grant, one of the last remaining alive people in the camp, decides to throw a legendary sword to Jake hoping that he will kill everyone including him. Armstrong looks at Dylan and says 'So. You think that little sword can save your master. Laugh ''Well go ahead then. But make no mistake... FIDO! When i'm done with him... You're next.' '''11:28 PM '- After some edgy speech about justice and not using his swords on white people but now not being so sure blah fucking blah Jake the Rake fights Armstrong for a while longer. After a while of fighting Jake surrenders to Armstrong who says 'Am I finally getting through?' and lets his guard down. This fatal mistake lets Jake impale Armstrongs chest with the sword, sealing his fate. Then Jake dies of cancer. Why? The hints were all fucking there you cucks. Dying, Armstrong looks to Danny, and says: He's guaranteed the status quo will go on for a while longer at least... War... Will continue as an institution... As an industry... Men... will still fight for reasons they don't understand... causes they don't believe in... But at least i'll leave a worthy successor... You... Danny. You carve your own path, you use whatever methods you see fit... You don't let any legal bullshit get in the way... And if it costs a few lives... So be it... Deep inside... We're kindred spirits... You... And... I... Before dying himself. With this, Danny slowly began to be absorbed by Armstrong's ideals. He decided to stop wasting his time bullying small time racists like JakeTheRake, and instead not let them foster their memes any longer. As he stood up and looked at the coast, with the sun coming up, he was suddenly pushed face first into the water by a now light speed Kabir running along the beach.Category:Lore